Days of Slow Suffocation

The other day after an event a friend sent me a quick text-
"Hey! Are you ok? You were kind of off by yourself this afternoon!"

I replied- "Oh! Thanks for asking. Actually the lungs are giving me a hard time today. I hope I did not appear upset or anything."

The conversation continued in that vain for a while. But it got me thinking. And has kept me thinking for a week or so. Long enough that I decided to dust off the old blog for a brief moment.  Because as an extrovert people expect that we want to always be in the middle. And they are for the most part correct. I am hoping understanding my story a little bit can help you all next time to maybe ask yourself this question of the friend who is acting outside the norm. It might be that they too have similar stories. And if not conversation is almost always beneficial. Don't you think!

So here is my story.  May it help you with yours...

Andrew learned in Boy Scouts quite a few years ago that we can go 3 weeks without food, 3 days without water, and 3 minutes without oxygen. Oxygen is an ESSENTIAL part of life. And I struggle with it every. single. day.

At 4 years old according to my Mom I got a bad case of the flu. From that illness on the problems with my lungs developed. Now when I was a child all the research on asthma had not yet been done. They knew enough to help me keep breathing but truly not much else. The most common medicine prescribed was Theophylline.  And I too was prescribed theophyliine.   A little pill I took every day without fail. A little pill that made me often not feel hungry, gave me fine tremors all the time, and left me feeling restless most days. But it helped. This medicine has such bad side effects and the chance of toxicity is such that is is extremely uncommon for it to be prescribed now days to children.  I am still thankful for that dreadful little pill.

Despite that med- I was sick A LOT. I never got the perfect attendance award anywhere. We were just happy if I was able to attend anything for a whole month without illness. I had an inhaler and a nebulizer at home. But often those were insufficient. Mom likes to say all her grey hairs were put there by either Jason and his diabetes or me and my asthma. Mom spent many a night up all night by my bedside keeping me calm and taking slow deep breaths to try to avoid having to make an emergency room visit. We did not have health insurance for most of my early years you see. Despite her vigilance there were quite of few E.R. visits.  To this day she gets a look in her eye when she talks about those nights. Now as a Mom myself I understand that look.

 After getting me through the night we would be at my pediatricians office as soon as the doors open or whatever time the lungs had gone hay wire and our best efforts at home were not enough. And boy did we know all the tricks. I learned not to panic as my sats dropped. I learned to stay calm while the struggle to breath was going on. Panic was the enemy. Panic made everything so much worse. I could sit in the perfect position to open my chest up to the fullest possible extent. And knew the temperature that my lungs handled best during an attack. But often I still ended up at the doctors office..

They knew me very well there. In fact, we did not even sign in. They saw me coming, and I would be escorted right back to a room. Oxygen would be slapped on my face. And an epinephrine shot given pronto. That is what they did back then. Stick a needle full of adrenaline in your arm.  You felt like your heart was going to explode. They don't do that anymore either.

They tried- my doctors. They tried everything in their knowledge base- allergy shots, new meds, different dosages.  My mom tried. We cut out lots of foods, We juiced. We ate raw stuff and mostly vegetarian. We drank barley green.  We took vitamins. All to no avail. Sometimes even with a child the Lord says this is your cross to bear. BUT you will not have to bear it alone. I will be with you all the way.

By the time I was college age and thru puberty I was doing quite a bit better.  However the damage had been done. All those attacks had left my lungs damaged quite severely. By the age of 18 they said my lungs were the age of a 70 year old due to scar tissue damage. But I was better...until I wasn't.  Now knowing more about my triggers and asthma in general I suspect it was the dorm room I lived in my Senior year. But I got really sick first semester. So much so that most of my Senior year was spent in the campus hospital. Yep pretty much the whole year. But I persevered. My teachers were fantastic as were my friends. They would bring me lecture notes and study guides. The teachers would come give me my tests at the hospital. I remember I had a major research paper due for one of my classes. I would look up the books I wanted online. Then friends would check them out and bring them to me. It was months of steroids. So much that when it was finally under control my metabolism would never be the same. The girl who could not keep weight on now could not keep it off.

The early years of marriage are some of the best lung years I can remember.  I had occasional attacks. I still had to frequently use my inhaler or nebs. However I was able to do things I had never before been able to. We skiied. We hiked. We were active all the time. I am truly thankful for those years. Carl and I made many good memories. After about 3 years of marriage I became pregnant with our oldest. It was unknown how my lungs would do. We just went into it with faith.  That pregnancy ended up being one of the most difficult things we have ever gone thru but for totally different reasons than my asthma. But that is another story. We went into pregnancy number 2 with excitement. That pregnancy started the downward spiral that would worsen with each pregnancy. But the 5th my Ob/Gyn told me that he did not think he could get us both thru the next one. He highly recommended getting my tubes tied. And if I chose not to I would need to find another Ob/Gyn as he would not take me on as a patient. It was a hard blow. I had NEVER allowed asthma to dictate my life. If anything it had built in me a determination and a drive to do in spite. That I could with the Lord's help do most anything I truly set my mind to. This was a ravine I could not cross.

Since then things go up and down. But what most people do not understand is that the oxygen most of them take for granted is a struggle every single day. My lungs work on a good day 60% less efficiently than the average person. This is due to all the scar tissue and damage from the frequent attacks in my childhood.  My heart beats harder working to get oxygen were it is needed. My muscles get tired as they don't receive the O2 they need. Most days I just ignore it.  I usually start feeling it about 5pm. Often needing to take a nap or a break for an hour or two. It plays havoc on our supper time. But Carl never complains. Always stepping up. Often sending me to lay down as he takes over supper. I am so thankful for him.

Each day is different. It depends on so many factors. And some days- some days feel like slow suffocation.

Often when those days are upon me I withdraw. Not intentionally. It is kind of like when  you are really cold your extremities get less blood flow as your brain tries to protect your vital organs. I do some of it consciously.  Not putting myself in groups where I will be tempted to talk a lot or where I will laugh. Laughter is not the best medicine on those days. But some is unconscious. I get extremely tired and fuzzy. Often I smile less, get absent-minded. Do not notice what is going on around me. I focus pretty much on just getting done what needs to be done and on my children.  Carl and my family know instantly those days just by my body language. Most friends do not unless they have really taken the time to learn me. Bev Nowlin will often identify when I am having problems before I am even aware of them myself. But I find that for most people it comes across as indifferent, unsocial, or at worst that I am upset or angry.

This blog is not an apology. Nor it is me being upset with those who may misunderstand. Rather it is to give awareness. Not of myself. Honestly most of the people in my life will never know me enough to distinguish changes in my behavior as asthma related or something else. But rather a chance to give a perspective that may help one realize that sometimes people just have something going on that does not affect you at all. So maybe you can just ask next time. Or be able to overlook it without letting it hurt you. I hope that you are able to ask the next person that leaves you a little uncertain. And I hope knowing my story may help you with another in your life somewhere. So many struggle with illness rather it be lupus, diabetes, MS, cancer, arthritis or some other type that brings them trials and triumphs on a daily basis.

I am so thankful for all of the people in my life. They cause me to smile even on the not so good days. And I am thankful for the perspective that asthma has given me on life. It has made me appreciate every moment. It has showed me that I can do so much more than I would have thought I can do. It has taught me perseverance, gentleness, and determination. It has taught me to value those in my life. And it has given me a dependence on the Lord I may not have had if I did not have that daily struggle. To Him be the glory.

Good Intentions, Getting Back to Normal, and the Tongue!

Hmmmm! My last blog post was about 6 months ago.  Wow has that time flown. I had such good intentions of blogging more and a list of topics to go along with it.  Part of the problem I suppose is I blog for myself and close family. It tends to be more of a record/diary then anything intentional. I am not really sure who reads it. Does not cross my mind too much.  However still I always feel slightly guilty when I do get back to it. Now that makes no logical sense causing me to feel the need to examine this further. And I shall over grading grammar papers, correcting phonics, wiping up messes, and cooking meals.  Great thinking times those.  I even have learned to think over the bedlam that would be the Woodpile by setting a small corner of my mind to being ever vigilant less the house be destroyed around my person.

Now to the reason my good intentions might have gotten derailed a hair. Because the day after the last blog post I wrote our sweet baby girl decided to make an early grand entrance.  And if the last 6 months are a model of things to come I think that is how she will continue to do things: sweetly, happily, and with a big entrance.  She is a joy. A true testament to Psalm 127:3-5

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
⁴ As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
 ⁵ Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

We are now 6 months down the road.  Six months past bedrest, constant pain and fatigue, and wondering how we are to get through the day today.  Each day we rested on His grace.  And a half a year later it bears testimony to His promise found in II Cor. 12:9.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

And praise Him things are starting to be NORMAL. I know! I can hardly believe it myself. Tonight I looked around to decide what I needed to do before bed.  My Sunday routine is usually to prep for this weeks homeschooling by making sure the schoolroom is ready, the materials needed stocked, and the plan fresh in my mind.  And most importantly by praying for the week to come.  And I had a revelation.  The house was only about 20 minutes away from being company ready. Woot! Woot! Now this does not include of course the closed door rooms: my bedroom and the craft room. lol. But a goal of mine is to always keep the house 15 minute till guest ready. It is important for Carl and I that our house be open always to our family and friends. That we are a place that is known to joyfully welcome unexpected company.  However I also know that I cringe when things are cluttered and the guest steps on toys on the way to the couch.  Then gets seated carefully with their back to the kitchen on the blind hope they will not notice the sink full of dishes and the sticky place on the kitchen table.  How am I to truly be following His directives if I am secretly wishing they were anyplace but here.  I Peter 4:9 says

Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.

Now we are getting out of the house.  I attended my first Ladies Meeting in over a year last Tuesday.  We are doing school at the couch and table not sitting on my bed.

It is a wonderful thing to be normal.

But on to other things and the true topic I would like to examine. Today I was fuming to myself that one day I am going to actually say the thoughts that are going through my head due to a comment that got directed my way that caused defenses to rise up.  There have been a few lately that caused me to have to bite my tongue. I talk a lot. It can be a problem.  But I do try very hard to think before just blurting something out in response to something said to me.  How so very often I strive and fail to react the way I feel like the Lord would have me. Often a quick, fervent prayer and a quick exit helps though.

I have heard that to hide ones  negative thoughts or reactions could be called phony.  However I prefer to think of it as respectful, God honoring, and smart. First reactions can often get you in trouble.  They also can show a depth of ignorance and a lack of wisdom. Ther are only a few things that personally I feel justify me to speak up immediately in defense or rebuke- blasphemy of my Lord, dishonest facts, and blatant immorality.  I know the questions I ask myself as I reexamine it later as to rather I should go back and speak with the person that hurt me or TRULY let it go.  They go something like this:

Am I quite sure that person is wrong? Have I examined why I am so defensive about this? Am I honoring God by making an issue of this? Is my anger at this person truly justified? Am I quite sure that person is the one causing the tension or am I doing something unintentionally or even intentionally? Even if it was said harshly can I learn from this? I might not have asked for counsel on this matter but are they being used by the Lord to give counsel in a needed area? Am I showing the love of Christ in my manner? How can I use this to further His working? How can I use this to be of His service? If I do not go back can I honestly and completely let this matter go not letting it take root in my heart or affecting my care and love for that person?

But do the Bible verses come quickly to my tongue. Because the Word of the Lord and the Word only should direct my thoughts and actions. So I decided tonight I needed to refresh myself on what God's Word has to say about the tongue and reactions. II Timothy 3:16 reminds us that

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

First of all I have the example of Jesus Himself- I Peter 2:23

Who, when he was reviled , reviled not again ; when he suffered , he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:

He committed himself to Him that judged righteously. I need to remember that when Jesus was threatened and reviled unjustly He did not in turn threaten. He entrusted Himself to His Lord's plan without interference of self.

We are to conduct ourselves in a manner of Christ Himself.  We are to imitate Him and be a reflection of His Word and His glory.

Philippians 1:27
Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; 
Ephesians 5:1
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 
Matthew 5:16
  In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

We are to die to self instead making His values our values. His agenda should be our agenda.

Philippians 2:3,4
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Matthew 20:25-28
But Jesus called them to him and said, You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 26 It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant,27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Ephesians 4:22-24
 to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, 23 and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness

How are we to speak then. We are to speak with kindness, with control, with thought, with honesty, and with healing.

Proverbs 29:20
Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.
Proverbs 12:18
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.

And how than am I to respond if words are needed
II Timothy 2:24-26
And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
²⁵ In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;

The Lord has given me much to meditate on.  Going back to the Word has brought to the forefront of my mind that to allow discouragement, confusion, defensiveness to take up space in my heart and mind is to allow my own self to take priority. My goal should always be to promote His work.  And I am again reminded not with my own thoughts and words but His commandments that I am to be a mirror for Christ. I stand myself convicted from scripture and humbled again by my own failings and His amazing grace. And so very thankful for His scripture to examine my heart by and His death and forgiveness which covers me and is the only thing that allows me to see past self at all. His light pierces the darkest corners of one's heart.

Start at the Shallow End!

As you can see this blog has been silent for a while.  The time of trials was heavy this year.  And writing about it seemed more than I could do.  Goodness do I dislike a constant complainer.  And it felt like that most of what I had to say would sound like a complaint.  Truly, truly I am not ungrateful for the trials of the past year. They were hard.  They brought tears, arguments, and more tears.  But they brought strength of spirit, refinement of the heart, the knowledge of true friendship and caring. So instead of diving in and catching everyone up on the happenings of the last year I shall dip in a toe.  Then catch my breath and go a little deeper. How is that.

In SIX days we will have a beautiful new addition to our blessings- a baby girl.  Name still up for debate but the top two are Audrey Rebekah and Autumn Joy.  Feel free to vote your preference under the comment section. 

 I am ecstatic over this news although in honesty it took a few weeks after finding out. I have always wanted many, many children. Children bring me such joy. They are treasures unlike any other- a gift from God beyond measure.  However I have extremely difficult pregnancies and with 4 other beautiful children we figured that time may have passed.  Always it was His will be done, and we would leave it up to Him- but no trying for us. This decision was a struggle to come to.  I found it hard to combat the resentment that I felt that pregnancies were so difficult for me.  I reminded myself of those who have so much more pain.  Those who cannot have children of their bodies or have lost babies over and over. And I persevered realizing I have naught to weep about.  The Lord granted me the grace to accept the time of my life where it was.  The body He had granted me.  And the joy to be content with the blessings He had already bestowed upon me. I felt content.  I felt rested in His assurance.  We had moved on looking ahead to what awaits.  Then boom! Guess what.

It took a while to sink in. It seemed unreal. Had we not moved past that phase in our life.  But soon the joy took over.  Another little gift from our Lord.  Praise His name.  We knew that the road would be hard. I still had not recovered from the major illness that racked my body the months before hand.  However we clung and still cling to the promise that He gives us no more than we can bear in Him.

These thoughts I will blog about another time.  Like I said shallow water today.  The lessons I have learned, the gift of sacrifice that has been shown, it will take multiple blog posts to even touch a small part of it.  I want a clear head and a sincere heart. 

So today is the beginning of the topic of what do you do when you are stuck in bed for months at a time.  You would be surprised what you can find to do. Family, friends, Homeschooling, laundry folding, heart to hearts with your husband and children, crafts, reading, tv are all things that got me through the long months.  I am going to post a topic on Homeschooling while sick or on bed rest sometime in the future.  We have been doing it for over a year now. But back to the list, tv can only be tolerated for so long.  There are only so many books your mind can absorb in a period of time. Then I really found myself becoming addicted to that amazing place called Pinterest. It grabbed me like a fish on a hook  Called my name at night, "Becca, Becca look at all the decorating ideas, the meals you can fix, the sewing you can do, the crafts."  You see files of ideas, to-do lists, to make lists have filled my house through the years. I adore lists.  This makes my lists right at hand and without adding to the clutter. GENIUS!

 I have planned every room in my house.  Got more crafts planned for the kiddos than we will ever finish. Have decorations, meals, and outfits planned for every special holiday of the year. Reworked my breakfast and lunch meal plans. Oh the joy!!!!!

So I spent many moments poring over ideas, adding to my list, changing my lists, and finally actually doing some of them. So I thought that over the next few days I would share with you my Pintastic ideas.  It is a good thing for me.  It has helped me take my mind off the pain and onto creativity.  It has got me thru many a sleepless night.  And as the nesting instinct kicked off it has helped keep my husband sane as I felt that I was actually accomplishing more than sitting like a knot on a log for hours at a time.

Be forewarned as I am in a baby frame of mind most though not all have to do with babies.  We do have a birthday party in there, a baby shower, an Easter dress, some Christmas gifts, meal plans etc.,so not all is made for baby. I will try where I took pics to show you how it was done. However from the bed it was really  hard to get clear pics of each part of the process. I would proceed slowly as the pain allowed me. Areas where I do not have visuals I will attempt to paint adequate word pictures.

That is all for now, folks. Just a heads up of what to expect over the next few days.  May even post the first one later today.  Should be fun.

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:- Prov. 23:7

The night grows long. Eyes heavy but sleep eludes. Breath eases to tighten again. Thoughts wander. But where do they go. For wandering without purpose can lead one to being lost. 

A conscious choice to paths of glory- His glory. Did He not tell us so.

Phillippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

To renew the mind, deny the exhaustion of the spirit. I purpose my thoughts.

Truth

Psalms 36: 6,7

Thy righteousness is like the great mountains; thy judgments are a great deep: O LORD, thou preservest man and beast.  

How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.  

I trust His path. I shelter under His wings.

Honest

Proverbs 26:12

Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? there is more hope of a fool than of him

Set to do it on my strength- telling myself I was depending on His strength. Such self deceit to cover the sin of pride. Now I dwell on thankfulness for the honest, loving rebuke of friends.  I praise Him for His forgiveness that covers all sin.

Just

A sermon that requires thoughtful meditation, contradictions that are not contradictions at all, and the apostle Paul.

http://www.desiringgod.org/resource-library/sermons/let-god-be-true-though-every-man-a-liar

Lovely

So many lovely thoughts. This takes no effort at all. They flow gently and endlessly.

The smile of my husband that shows nothing but love despite the trials.

A text- "NO! We have got it covered!"

A fridge full up with tangible love

Get well cards handmade

My own bed and sheets for another night

Piles of books surrounding me

Unexpected news that brings joy

Online sermons

A Mother's hug

Modern meds that ease tight breaths

Friends of the heart

 

Good Report

Lessons that speak truth, delivered gently, lovingly, beautifully. Two of many...

http://www.sovereigngraceministries.org/blogs/cj-mahaney/post/The-Value-of-Spiritual-Simplicity.aspx?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+sovereigngraceministries%2FCJMBlog+%28C.J.+Mahaney%27s+view+from+the+cheap+seats+%26+other+stuff%29&utm_content=My+Yahoo

Especially Easter- Chapter 9 of Noel Piper's book- Treasuring God in Our Traditions

Centering. This flow of thoughts interrupted by spaces of rest to awake to breath free again.  Thoughts over hours that lead me to more hours of thoughts. And how better to rest if not able to in sleep than in thoughts of Him. A spirit remains refreshed. The body to follow in His time.

Lonely but for His Beauty. Lonely but for His Gifts

I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud by William Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling leaves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay,
In such a jocund company!
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

I Chronicles 29:11

¹¹Thine, O LORD is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all.

 ¹²Both riches and honour come of thee, and thou reignest over all; and in thine hand is power and might; and in thine hand it is to make great, and to give strength unto all.

 

I Taught Myself To Live Simply by Anna Akhmatova

I taught myself to live simply and wisely,
to look at the sky and pray to God,
and to wander long before evening
to tire my superfluous worries.
When the burdocks rustle in the ravine
and the yellow-red rowanberry cluster droops
I compose happy verses
about life's decay, decay and beauty.
I come back. The fluffy cat
licks my palm, purrs so sweetly
and the fire flares bright
on the saw-mill turret by the lake.
Only the cry of a stork landing on the roof
occasionally breaks the silence.
If you knock on my door
I may not even hear.

 

II Cor. 1:12

For our rejoicing is this, the testimony of our conscience, that in simplicity and godly sincerity, not with fleshly wisdom, but by the grace of God, we have had our conversation in the world, and more abundantly to you-ward.

His Majesty shown in the call of the bird,             the creak of the house in wind, 

spring seeds sifted,               the kiss of an infant,        my hand cradled tender by his strong warm hand,

              the giggle of a girl                   Four simple words said softly.. I missed you, Mommy                

With this beauty with these gifts how can one entertain loneliness. His grace given by death on a tree. How can one substain sadness.

The Gift of Aged Love

Valentine's Day is fast approaching.  Minds work feverishly pondering what to give each other, how to celebrate, or for some an effort to ignore this obviously commercial day.

But I like to use it as a time to evaluate my marriage or rather the only thing I can truly evaluate- my heart.  Am I giving myself completely to my husband?  Does he occupy my mind throughout the day?  Does a smile alight my face at the thought of his presence? Does each decision I make seek to bless him as his wife?  Let me put this in perspective.   Not as idolatry.  Nothing should be placed before my heavenly Father.  But rather as obeying the commandments He has given me as wife.

Many go into Valentines Day with high expectations.  They seek to have their heart leap at his presence, to have goosebumps form when he touches your hand, to have the feeling of passion overwhelming everything else.  They think the perfect place to eat, the perfect gift, the perfect dress if enough thought is put into it will make it all just as they imagine. And often it falls short of expectations. In short they desire new love again. Forgetting that like an aged wine love while different in taste and body only grows sweeter.


I have felt this in times past. The desire for our love to be as all consuming as it was those days of dating, those first years of marriage. But then what would I be giving up.  What do I have now- a slow steady burn, a joy in my heart that it always there, the knowledge of absolute trust that comes from years of being held in strong arms, a merging of our lives that make it such that I can't tell where we are apart anymore.  What one often takes for boredom is simply security.  What one often takes as nothing to talk about is simply becoming one, knowing each other in and out.  And what one often takes as the loss of passion is often- well let us face it one's own fault.


Let's think about what brought about that burning desire.  How often was he in your thoughts during those days? How often was what you wore, where you went, what you said all for the purpose of making yourself more desirable in his eyes?  How often would you give a horror filled rebuke if someone spoke negatively of your love- his good SO out weighs his bad. Now evaluate yourself present time.  What occupies your thoughts- for me often it is the school that has to be done, the kids schedule, whether I will get the time to read that book  I really want to read, the messy house.  My decisions based on what will enable me to save the most time not what will inflame my husband or even just bring a smile to his face.  Instead of running to the door at the sound of his foot hitting the entrance of our home  I glance at the time in horror thinking that much time could not have possibly gone by already!!!! And how often now is the litany in your head about your husband filled with his faults instead of his goodness.  And don't pat oneself on the back if the litany is only in your head not gossip filled talk with girlfriends.  Negativity both internal and external only brings challenges and problems to your marriage. 


I challenged a friend a few months ago who came to me asking for prayer and advice about the lack of spark in their marriage lately.  And I told her simply this: replace each negative thought with a positive, embrace him at every opportunity, think about him with excitement throughout the day, prepare for him!  Let self fade into the background and place him first. So simple, so easy to do in the beginning.  But like many things familiarity brings carelessness even with those people we love the most.  TREASURE the gift of love that grows finer with each day.

So I challenge myself as the day of love draws near to spend time in prayer and in His Word.  Search again the commandments of the Word to the wife.  Pray for the Lord to show me distractions that take time from my husband, hidden pains that I may have buried that hinder our relationship, and attitudes I need to confess and change with our Lord's help.  Will you join me?

Nerf Wars- 2011

Birthdays are true celebrations at the Woodpile. Special consideration is given each child on that day they entered into our life.  Carl and I spend a lot of personal time with them that day.  Seeking to make sure they know from the toes to the crown of their sweet head how joyful their presence makes us.  They were a gift from God. They each have a purpose.  The purpose- to serve and glorify their Creator.   

The Birthday Choices

Choice 1-  How to spend their day with Daddy and Mommy

The exact day of their birth if possible is one continuous celebration of a life.  A GIFT!!!  One we take seriously, and one we rejoice in.  We often stay up late the night before decorating the kitchen.  And wake the siblings early, so that when the birthday child comes down he or she is greeted with an outburst of love, song, and hugs. In the morning, I fix their favorite breakfast treat.  Easy at this stage as it is donuts one and all. Yes, I am thankful!!! The morning is spent doing whatever it is that day usually entails- you know cleaning, school, FB, cleaning, school, cleaning.  Then when afternoon rolls around and the babysitter arrives we embark on our birthday adventure.  We try not to spend too much money going to movie theaters.  Both of us think there are better ways to spend a quick $50 bucks. But each child on their birthday gets a choice of going to a movie.  Most of the time they choose to go. Afterward usually is an activity of choice such as rock climbing (a favorite of Andrew's) or window shopping at the Disney store (favorite of the girls). Then we are off to dinner at their favorite restaurant.  This is my most precious birthday time as we talk about the year past.  Encouragement for them to express their feelings, thoughts is given. We encourage the child as maturity enables them too to express where they succeeded in the Lord, and where they need to improve. We talk about changes in discipline they would like to see, how we are doing in their eyes,  added responsibilities, bigger expectations.  And Carl and I are open in our assessment, liberal with our love, and generous with our praise. Each child looks forward to their birthday dates. This does not have to be expensive though. A walk in the park and the same talk at a fast food place will accomplish just as much. The purpose is that special time where they have BOTH parents full attention for more than 20 minutes. We do individual times with each child - Dad with son while Mom is at home with the others or Mom with Fudge Brownie per-say . But this is our time with them alone.

Choice 2- Gifts or Birthday Party

Each child gets the choice of a special planned party with their friends or more gifts. Christmas we feel we should emphasize Christ's gift to us and giving to others. Personal gifts are minuscule. On their birthday we try to have a few special things we have observed them liking but amount depends on their choice of party or choice of same amount spent on gifts only. Each child always chooses a party with friends. Choosing instead to share with others the joy of the day. We put work into the planning and implementation to make it special. Quizzing them on what they want, who they want there, what their expectations of a perfect party for this year looks like. Then the planning begins. We do a lot of creative crafting to keep the cost down. And utilize Oriental Trading!

 

Andrew's 10th Birthday- Nerf Wars

This year our Buddy decided on a Nerf theme.  Here is the result.

Invites

A simple e-vite invitation.  I have made it easier and cheaper through the years. Gotta to do what a mother has got to do!

Decor

This one was difficult this year. There was no way I could turn my house into a training facility. No! no, no naysayers. If you think differently keep it to yourself. So again I kept it simple using simple camo paper products, balloons in black, brown, and green, and liberal use of a plastic roll of black tablecloth (on sale yay).

I also turned the kitchen into a snack "Mess Hall" with bowls of raisins, nuts, and M&M,  Crunchy Cheetos, organic fruit jerky, and drinks.

Games

As they came in they became proper Nerf Strike Team cadets. All cadets must look the part of course.  They got their dog tags (Party City), camo grease paint, and team bandannas. I also supplied each child with a notebook to keep a record of their achievements at the Woodpile Nerf Strike Training Facility. (again Party City)

ATTENTION, cadets! Head up, chest out!

Next we assessed physical conditioning. Each team (there were two- blue and yellow) squared off in a push-up war. It reminded me a little of a fight scene though. With each team gathered around with the battlers in the middle amidst loud cheering and jeering. They loved it of course. The cutest was Cupcake and my good friend Bev's youngest in friendly competition. TOO adorable.



Sar wanted to be Andrew's battle partner!!

The student takes on the teacher!



Cuteness reign supreme! Squeezableness!!!

   

From there where to go but target practice. We retrieved two guns from the armory (the side table ;-) and showed them the point system. Carl had drawn targets on our family room windows in a grid system. Points value being 5-15. Again we paired up the teams in a friendly challenge placing them against each other via size and age. .

Ready, Aim, Fire!

Seriously we get to shoot the WINDOWS. Can't. Contain. Excitement!!

Next was Rapid Fire.  Targeting again but well... rapidly. A line of Nerf targets and empty cans were set up on our fireplace mantel. Each child got 7 shots with two from each opposing team at the same time again.  However once a target was knocked down they were out of the running.  So each team member had to not only shoot accurately but also beat the other team to it. All good except for our clock. It got shot multiple times and was quite ticked. (hahahahaha I know, I know!)

Mr Clock is NOT a target. Shooting #11 does not gain you 11 points!!

Hogan's Alley- Now I wish I could say the set up was a true Hogan's Alley.  But alas we had to be inventive. Carl printed out hero's and villains from comic book series and cartoon video games (we wanted to keep this unrealistic) Each team member set up to fire. When the cardboard cutouts went up (manned by Carl)  they shot. Once a villain was shot he was down and out. A hero shot was a point taken away. They adored this game. It turned out to be quite challenging.

Halo works itself in somewhere! But of COURSE!!

The final Nerf game was what else but Capture the Flag.  They could NOT get enough of this.  They did not want to go in to eat pizza. They did not want to go home.  They begged for more, more, MORE! I decided we will have to do this again sometime in the summer.  Maybe add glow in the dark bullets, flares, and dog tags and make it Night Nerf Wars. But I am getting off track.  The game. Carl set up various "unnatural" hideaways made from boxes, old playhouses, yes even the hot tub lid. Whatever you have on hand, right? These allowed the kids to hide and evade.  Each end of the yard was set up a "fort"- blue on left and yellow on right. The goal of course to steal the other teams flag before all your team members are Nerf tagged out. We made it interesting by leaving things periodically in the hideouts to be found such as automatic Nerf weapons.  It was a resounding success.

Sneak attack!

A good offense is a good defense

 

We are sweet little harmless girls. Please don't shoot us! As they pull guns from behind back!

Final "game" was the very end game- a tank pinata. This will have to be reevaluated in the future. The kids always put a pinata on their list. The problem was the stampede that happened despite repeated warnings given prior to. All in all it was only bumps and bruises, but my heart went out of my chest there for a second or two. We filled it with the bday boys faves- Starburst, Sweet Tarts, Butterfingers, gum, and Airheads.

Rations

As mentioned above we had the "Mess Hall" to keep active boys satisfied.

Pizza and breadsticks were the main rations that evening.

Who is having fun was the question asked just prior to snapping picture!

And the birthaday cake was a  Butterfinger homemade ice cream cake and an Oreo ice cream cake as the birthday boy does not like traditional cake.



4 + 3 tanks + 3 stars = 10 years of blessings



Recipe as requested

I started with a base of ice cream sandwiches enough to cover the bottom of a 9x11 pan. That was approx. 11 total

From there I made a homemade chocolate ganache/hot fudge sauce from milk chocolate chips, heavy cream, vanilla, and sweetened condensed milk. Uhmm measurements unknown as I did it by taste. This sauce was spread thickly over the sandwiches.

Next was a layer of softened Butterfinger ice cream for the Butterfinger cake/ Cookies and Cream for the Oreo cake. If you would like to lighten it you can mix the ice cream with say Cool Whip. I did not as Andrew does not like Cool Whip.

Another layer of ice cream sandwiches for the Butterfinger cake. For the Oreo cake I switched it up a little here and used a layer of Oreos.

A final layer of hot fudge sauce.

Crushed Butterfinger bars or Oreo cookies to top.

Favors

Each boy went home with a small Nerf gun (team pack of 8's are available at Toys R Us or online), a camo favor bag with a camo ball, pencil, their notebook, and their candy.


The People Who I Could NOT Have Done It Without!!

The Commander otherwise known as the Amazing Dad/Hubby

My dear friend, Bev, who will no longer be my friend once she sees this. :-)

Dearest Martina who has been by my side for many birthday parties. Probably more than the fingers on both hands. ;-)

And because our much beloved Mariucci's were not there their WONDERFUL mom/grandma filled in to my utter gratitude. Love you, Mrs. Bradley!

The FABULOUS Danielle who is here in word only because she would not let me take her picture!!!

Sergeant at Arms Megan!!

Official Lil Man Watcher Ashley!

Birthday Boy's Verdict

"I wish the day would never end!!"

All in all a success!!  We had 24 kids total. 20 of them boys whom Andrew had grown close to over the years. The problem is that he is always making new "good" friends. But each boy remembers if they are not invited. Trust me I know this from hard experience, and I don't want to ever see that look on a little boys face again. Carl says we are going to have to downsize as it is getting crazy . But that can wait until next year! ;-)  For now I am made happy by the smiles on the boys as they left. And the joy that filled my son's face.