The Gift of Aged Love

Valentine's Day is fast approaching.  Minds work feverishly pondering what to give each other, how to celebrate, or for some an effort to ignore this obviously commercial day.

But I like to use it as a time to evaluate my marriage or rather the only thing I can truly evaluate- my heart.  Am I giving myself completely to my husband?  Does he occupy my mind throughout the day?  Does a smile alight my face at the thought of his presence? Does each decision I make seek to bless him as his wife?  Let me put this in perspective.   Not as idolatry.  Nothing should be placed before my heavenly Father.  But rather as obeying the commandments He has given me as wife.

Many go into Valentines Day with high expectations.  They seek to have their heart leap at his presence, to have goosebumps form when he touches your hand, to have the feeling of passion overwhelming everything else.  They think the perfect place to eat, the perfect gift, the perfect dress if enough thought is put into it will make it all just as they imagine. And often it falls short of expectations. In short they desire new love again. Forgetting that like an aged wine love while different in taste and body only grows sweeter.


I have felt this in times past. The desire for our love to be as all consuming as it was those days of dating, those first years of marriage. But then what would I be giving up.  What do I have now- a slow steady burn, a joy in my heart that it always there, the knowledge of absolute trust that comes from years of being held in strong arms, a merging of our lives that make it such that I can't tell where we are apart anymore.  What one often takes for boredom is simply security.  What one often takes as nothing to talk about is simply becoming one, knowing each other in and out.  And what one often takes as the loss of passion is often- well let us face it one's own fault.


Let's think about what brought about that burning desire.  How often was he in your thoughts during those days? How often was what you wore, where you went, what you said all for the purpose of making yourself more desirable in his eyes?  How often would you give a horror filled rebuke if someone spoke negatively of your love- his good SO out weighs his bad. Now evaluate yourself present time.  What occupies your thoughts- for me often it is the school that has to be done, the kids schedule, whether I will get the time to read that book  I really want to read, the messy house.  My decisions based on what will enable me to save the most time not what will inflame my husband or even just bring a smile to his face.  Instead of running to the door at the sound of his foot hitting the entrance of our home  I glance at the time in horror thinking that much time could not have possibly gone by already!!!! And how often now is the litany in your head about your husband filled with his faults instead of his goodness.  And don't pat oneself on the back if the litany is only in your head not gossip filled talk with girlfriends.  Negativity both internal and external only brings challenges and problems to your marriage. 


I challenged a friend a few months ago who came to me asking for prayer and advice about the lack of spark in their marriage lately.  And I told her simply this: replace each negative thought with a positive, embrace him at every opportunity, think about him with excitement throughout the day, prepare for him!  Let self fade into the background and place him first. So simple, so easy to do in the beginning.  But like many things familiarity brings carelessness even with those people we love the most.  TREASURE the gift of love that grows finer with each day.

So I challenge myself as the day of love draws near to spend time in prayer and in His Word.  Search again the commandments of the Word to the wife.  Pray for the Lord to show me distractions that take time from my husband, hidden pains that I may have buried that hinder our relationship, and attitudes I need to confess and change with our Lord's help.  Will you join me?