"She got mad and lost her head"

Oh, oh, oh, the mountains gonna blow!
Oh, oh, oh, the lava's gonna flow!
Oh, oh, oh, the ash is gonna rise!
Oh, oh, oh, there were pieces of the
mountain in your eyes, Up your nose
and down your chest! A little bit
deeper on every breath! She don't
care your point of view, now the
mountain's part of you!
RUMBLE!!!

Billy Jonas- Old St. Helen

The song plays loudly through the speakers.   The girls singing madly along in the back seat.  In the front seat all is silent.  Andrew and I both looking out separate windows.  I am pretending to concentrate on driving.  Andrew looking avidly at the "scenery"  "She don't care your point of view" my heart skips.  "Oh, oh, oh, the mountains gonna blow" the girls sing out.  The Holy Spirit moves within my heart.  He can take anything you see.  Even a fun innocent children's song to convict of us of our sin.

EARLIER-

"ANDREW, I told you to watch your brother.  Look now he is in the game pieces."  I yell.

"But, Mom, I was getting my shoes on.  That is what you told me to do." he protests.

"NO, you were not. You were looking for that ridiculous DS. Be honest. Quit shortening the truth to make yourself look better." I reply furiously.

"You are not doing anything I tell you to today.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU." I punctuate each word like a sharp knife.

"What is wrong with you." he replies defensively.

"Don't talk to me like that. I am your MOTHER. Just get in the car." I can hardly speak I am so angry. `

I stomp around getting the rest of the little's shoes, coats, etc and load them up.

Back to PRESENT

"Oh, oh, oh, the lavas gonna flow! Oh,oh,oh, the ash is gonna rise."

The words pounding into my brain as the silence from the right side of the car seems even louder. 

I rationalize to myself.  He was doing wrong.  Being disobedient, hedging the truth, speaking disrespectfully! Being almost 10 years old he should act better.  My heart stutters.  What about me! I am a grown adult woman. What kind of example did I just set?  What grace did I just show? What love and assurance of forgiveness for sin did I just demonstrate?   Was my anger a righteous anger?

BUT my reasons are righteous ones of wanting him to choose righteousness, honesty, self- control.    But did I want those things for the right reasons?  Did I want them so he would be more like Christ ...or so that my life would be easier, more comfortable, less stressful?  Had I allowed a righteous desire to become a controlling idol?  Was I honoring God by right behaviour?  If not, how could I expect him too.  My heart wept.

I slowly look at him- his set face, the too bright eyes.  "Andrew, I am so sorry! I hurt you with my words and tone. I reacted not because of righteous reasons but because you were not serving my needs.  My discipline should only be given to help you become more like Christ.  Will you forgive me?" I say hesitantly knowing of the hurt in his heart.

Slowly his hand creeps over to mine, and I enfold it close.  Two heart lighten.  Two hearts entwined.

Luke 6:42

Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye.

Eph. 4:32

And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.